BUILDING CONNECTION
Parenthood is one of the most profound responsibilities a human being can undertake. It is a role that extends far beyond the act of raising a child; it is about nurturing, guiding, supporting, and preparing a young soul to find their place in the world with confidence and dignity. When rooted in love, understanding, and mutual respect, parenthood becomes a beautiful journey of growth for both the parent and the child.
However, in many households, especially within rigid cultural or social frameworks, this journey is often tainted with unrealistic expectations, imposed decisions, and emotional neglect. Instead of becoming a source of security, the parental role sometimes transforms into a burden for the child. This often happens when parents misuse their position of authority under the guise of discipline, tradition, or protection.
Children are frequently silenced in matters that directly impact their lives. They are considered too young or too inexperienced to make choices, and their voices are often dismissed without consideration. While it’s true that parents possess more life experience, it’s equally important to allow children to express themselves, to feel heard and valued. A child who is encouraged to speak up, even when wrong, grows up to be more emotionally secure and self-aware.
Unfortunately, this freedom is often denied. Parents, in their attempt to do what they believe is “right,” end up imposing life-changing decisions like choosing a career path or even a life partner without acknowledging the child’s interests or emotional readiness. Marriage, for instance, is one of the most critical decisions in life, yet in many families, children are pushed into it at the will of their parents. This disregard can leave deep emotional scars that may manifest later in the form of anxiety, emotional withdrawal, or depression.
Moreover, in a bid to maintain social image, many parents choose to discipline their children publicly. Scolding or embarrassing a child in front of guests or relatives is more about showcasing control than correcting behavior. Such acts don’t instill discipline they instill fear, shame, and a sense of worthlessness.
In today’s world, another growing trend is the over-dependence on daycares and creches. While these services are a necessity for working parents, an increasing number of stay-at-home mothers are opting to send children as young as 18 months to these centers, merely to find relief from care giving duties. This detachment during the early formative years can affect a child’s ability to form secure attachments.
The obsession with boarding schools is another area of concern. Some parents choose to send their children away at a very young age, not necessarily for better education but to control or “fix” behaviors. The child, however, suffers emotional loneliness, robbed of essential parental warmth, bedtime stories, and spontaneous hugs.
In the modern digital age, parenting has also shifted toward gadgets. Instead of storytelling or engaging with children emotionally, many parents place smartphones or tablets in their little hands. While it keeps them quiet, it also distances them from the parent, replacing love and bonding with artificial stimulation.
Comparison culture further adds to the burden. Statements like “Look at your cousin, he’s so good at studies,” or “She never talks back to her parents,” create self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. Every child is unique, and expecting them to mirror someone else’s achievements crushes their individuality.
What’s even more heartbreaking is the cyclical nature of this detachment. Parents who distanced themselves from their children emotionally or physically often find themselves lonely in old age. Children, who never felt truly loved or accepted, fail to form strong attachments to their parents. The same hands that once pushed them into hostels are left empty when they seek companionship in their later years. Consequently, many of these elderly parents find themselves sent to old age homes ironically craving the very care, love, and presence they had once denied their own children.
To break this cycle, parenthood must shift from control to connection. It must evolve from authority to empathy. It’s about guiding with love, not fear. It’s about listening without judgment, allowing mistakes, and building mutual respect.
A child raised in such an environment becomes emotionally strong, more connected to family, and less likely to seek validation from the outside world. And when the time comes, they return that love with loyalty and care. Because ultimately, what we sow in a child’s early years is exactly what we harvest in our old age.
(Author is Research Scholar and can be mailed at: [email protected])
