Life moves fast and distractions are everywhere. Caught between responsibilities and routines, parenting often leans toward convenience. When children cry, refuse to eat or throw tantrums, many parents hand them a phone to calm them down. It becomes a temporary solution, a digital pacifier. Some parents even give their children a separate phone thinking it will keep them engaged and occupied. But have we stopped to ask what we’re actually giving them? Is it really just fun and games or are we unknowingly opening a door to a world they’re not ready for?
Some parents caught up in their demanding work lives turn to easy shortcuts like handing a phone to their child to keep them quiet or entertained. Others, though physically present at home, remain mentally absent, too absorbed in their own routines or glued to their digital screens to truly engage with their children. In both cases, children are left seeking attention, connection and care while silently losing their innocence in the shadow of screens.
Many children today are being exposed to harmful content, dangerous trends and inappropriate conversations at a very young age. They often don’t understand what they are doing. They copy things without knowing the risks, chatting with strangers, sending photos and engaging in activities they cannot process emotionally or mentally. With no adult guidance they absorb everything they see believing it is normal and acceptable.
What we often fail to notice is how excessive screen time slowly changes a child’s behaviour. They may become more irritable, impatient, secretive or emotionally distant. These small changes are easy to dismiss, but they are signals we must not ignore. When a child’s behaviour changes it is often a reflection of something deeper and it is our responsibility to pay attention before it’s too late.
One major reason for this is how the idea of “privacy” is being misunderstood. We have started confusing privacy with freedom and freedom with detachment. While children need some space, giving too much privacy at the wrong age can be harmful. Leaving a child alone with a phone, without any supervision doesn’t help them grow. It leaves them wandering often into harmful corners of the internet. And when things go wrong we cannot pretend we didn’t see it coming. Sadly we are already seeing real-life consequences. These stories are no longer rare. Let me share two real and deeply troubling stories.
A 10-year-old boy had been going straight into his room every day after school. His mother thought he was simply tired and needed rest. In truth he was watching explicit content on his phone, videos that had been shared by his classmates. These young boys had made a habit of watching and exchanging such content secretly, often in school washrooms. They didn’t fully understand what they were doing but it was slowly taking away their innocence, shaping how they viewed the world, relationships and themselves.
In another case a 12-year-old girl had developed the habit of sitting alone in her room with her phone. Her parents thought she was watching reels or chatting with school friends. Believing in giving her privacy they never checked. But what they didn’t know was that she had started chatting regularly with boys online and even speaking to them over calls. When her parents asked who she was talking to she would casually say, “just a school friend.”
Over time, she began hiding things and learning to lie. She followed whatever her online friends said trying to fit in. One day she began stealing cigarettes from her father’s drawer and smoked in her room covering the smell with perfume. Her parents had no idea until much later. When they questioned her she simply said, “My friends do it too and Papa smokes, so what’s the problem?” What she lacked was not rules but presence: someone to notice, ask and guide.
These are not just random stories. They are signs of a bigger problem. And the problem doesn’t begin with the child; it begins with us the adults. Children copy what they see. So we must ask ourselves: are we setting the right example? Are we truly present in their lives? Do we know what they’re watching, who they are talking to and what kind of content they’re consuming?
Parenting today is not just about providing food, education, gadgets or fulfilling every demand for expensive things. It’s about giving your time, being emotionally available and guiding your child with attention, care and presence.
Giving children freedom under the name of privacy is not protection. It’s unnoticed neglect. Children do not need total independence at an age when they cannot judge right from wrong. They need boundaries, guidance and most importantly your attention. Asking what your child is doing online is not called spying. It is called parenting.
Let us not wait for warning signs to turn into tragedies. Behind every glowing screen may lie hidden dangers and behind every closed room could be silent suffering that we never imagined. Children don’t always speak up but their behaviour often reflects what they truly lack: attention, understanding and connection.
It is time we replace screens with real conversations and distractions with genuine time. Because in the end children do not need the latest phone or unlimited privacy. They need involved parents who listen, guide and stay present. Let us not realise too late what we could have prevented early.
(The author is a research scholar at the University of Kashmir. Feedback: [email protected])
