It is time to rethink our approach to parenting and shift the focus back towards its true essence: raising happy, well-adjusted, and compassionate human beings.As a parent, there have been countless incidents that have left me questioning my abilities and priorities. But one moment that truly struck a chord within me was when my two-and-a-half-year-old son snatched my phone and placed it on the table, eagerly grabbing my hand to play with him. I could not help but wonder if I was truly parenting or just managing my parental responsibilities.
It made me reflect on the importance of being present and engaged in my child’s life, rather than getting caught up in work and other obligations. Despite constantly striving to be the best parent I can be, this incident reminded me that there will always be moments that make me question whether I am doing enough. It also served as a powerful reminder to prioritise and cherish the precious time I have with my child, as they grow up so quickly, and these moments will soon become memories.
Parenting has long been touted as the ultimate experience, filled with love, joy, and fulfilment. In today’s fast-paced world, the true essence of parenting seems to have been lost in the pursuit of perfection. While we may think we are fulfilling our duties as parents by providing our children with material necessities such as education, clothes, and food, but are we truly parenting, or are we simply managing?
It is a tough question to grapple with, but the truth is, modern parenting has become more about control, expectations, and achievement rather than nurturing emotional connection, instilling values, and providing guidance. As parents, we are often so focused on raising successful, accomplished individuals that we forget to nurture their emotional well-being and guide them towards becoming kind, empathetic, and responsible individuals.
The Modern Parenting Paradox
It seems that we are all trying to keep up with the ever-evolving world around us. For parents, this can be an especially difficult task as we strive to balance work, technology, and the pursuit of material success. In our attempts to juggle it all, we often find ourselves trying to compensate for our lack of time with material possessions, gadgets, and extravagant opportunities for our children.
But this so-called “parenting” often comes at a cost. As we become consumed with the need to provide for our families, we inadvertently trade our presence for a new phone or a lavish vacation, and meaningful conversations are replaced with fleeting distractions. It is no surprise that, despite having more resources than ever before, children today are experiencing higher levels of anxiety, stress, and disconnection.
In our quest for control, competition, and conditional love, we have lost sight of what truly matters – our relationship with our children and their well-being. We want the best for our children, and sometimes we may unknowingly fall into the traps of traditional parenting methods that do more harm than good. One of these pitfalls is the belief that discipline means controlling every aspect of our child’s life – from their clothing choices to their future career. True discipline is about guiding our children to learn self-control, not imposing external control upon them.
When parents control rather than guide, children can feel unheard and powerless, leading to rebellion or dependency, both of which do not prepare them for the challenges of the real world.
Another common mistake we make is loving our children conditionally. Often, we express our love by linking it to achievements or milestones, such as telling our child we will only be proud of them if they become a doctor or score 90% in their exams. This kind of mindset teaches children that love and approval must be earned, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and a constant need to prove oneself. As parents, we need to love unconditionally, without attaching it to our child’s achievements.
We tend to measure our child’s success solely based on their academic performance, equating high marks with success and low marks with failure, while true parenting focuses on effort and growth, not just outcomes, as every child is unique and has different talents and timelines.
We also often fall into the trap of comparison, whether it’s with our neighbour’s child or even our children. This is a harmful practice that can severely impact a child’s self-esteem and confidence. Every child is different, and comparing them only communicates the message that they are not enough as they are.
Our children do not need perfect parents; they need present parents. They do not need more toys, gadgets, or privileges—they need our time, attention, and understanding. True parenting is not about raising successful adults according to societal standards, but rather about guiding and supporting our children in becoming responsible, kind and emotionally balanced human beings. It is about nurturing their hearts and minds, rather than just focusing on external measures of success.
Unfortunately, in our modern society, the pressures of competition and comparison have led us to prioritise material success over emotional well-being. But it is time to break away from this norm and rethink our priorities as parents. Let us give our children the most precious gift of all – our time, love, and attention. Spend tech-free time together—meals without phones, bedtime stories without screens.
Connection cannot happen through Wi-Fi; it happens through presence. Create a safe and loving space for them to grow and thrive, free from the constraints of societal expectations. Guide them towards being empathetic, compassionate, and resilient beings, capable of making positive contributions to the world. Redefine parenting—not as raising achievers but as nurturing happy, responsible, and compassionate human beings.
(Author is Lecturer Education, GGHSS Yaripora :[email protected])
