In today’s world, which is changing faster by the day, the process of rearing children is profoundly changing. Indeed, every new generation makes the tightrope walk between coddling on one hand and moulding resilient characters on the other. Where we wish to save our children from hardships, we are taking away from them the very experiences that develop strength, creativity, and a sense of responsibility. Therefore, it goes without saying that the conundrum is not new but rather the dilemma philosophers have always pondered over lies exactly here.
As Aristotle has rightly said, “The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet”. Centuries after his pronouncement, his voice continues to resound across the chasms of time, never to grow mute, saying that struggle and discomfort are necessary ingredients in the making of character. However, by giving all the comforts to them without making them work for a dime, we deny them the opportunity to value effort and the value of money.
Lack of appreciation could very well culminate into an entitlement mentality and a disconnection from the realities of life-a very problematic disconnection. Today, one can observe a trend of more and more youth being drifted towards self and socially destructive behaviours like drug abuse, bike stunts, mad car races and violence among other social maladies.
This may partly be due to the absence of struggle in their upbringing. As Jean-Jacques Rousseau, the famous author of the book ‘Emile’, once said, “The man who has lived the most is not he who has counted the most years but he who has most felt life”. The feel of life, born out of challenges and struggles, is an essential element in personal growth. If not felt, then the youth will seek artificial ways to feel life, which might take them to a darker and more dangerous side. Laced to these issues is the dire need for educational institutions to integrate part-time skill-building activities into their curriculum.
In this way, by engaging students in functional tasks that bring in remunerations, we will be able to instil a sense of valuation of money and the benefits of working hard. The most important tenet of this system is to achieve “learning by doing”, aligned with John Dewey’s philosophy. Education, to him, was a way to train an individual to lead a life, drawing upon experiences that shaped the person both in terms of skill and character. But with each modern technology we willingly adopt, the cognitive and creative development of our children becomes something we need to beware of.
While technology opens a world of advantages, it certainly comes with a few major risks regarding the fostering of critical thinking and creativity. Where once children learned to solve problems by counting pebbles or drawing lines, today they simply command a device for the answer. This shift represents a loss in hands-on, experiential learning that is so important for deep understanding and innovative thinking.
Nowadays, alarmingly mobile phones have turned out to be common in babies, making habits that immediately started worsening the mental development of toddlers. It has been recorded that excessive exposure during the critical period of development is liable to result in a negative impact on language acquisition and attention span and social skills.
Moreover, the use of mobile phones as some sort of distraction or entertainment for babies replaces important face-to-face interactions necessary for bonding and cognitive development. Compounding this problem is an increasing shift towards relying on babysitters and digital devices as main caregivers that can further deprive children of the nurturing and consistent parental interaction necessary in overall development. Its effect is much deeper, starting from changing social behaviour to something core and intrinsic to our being, such as reading behaviour. The decline in reading books and newspapers among the younger generation is alarming.
In our quest for convenience, we give up, in fact compromise, the depth and comprehensiveness of traditional reading for a fast but shallow intake of information we are doing through digital support. This transition not only is blocking the development of critical thinking skills in our children but also weakens their capability for maintaining sustained attention-a very important asset toward achieving success in both academic and professional domains.
Furthermore, society seems to be running on an endless track in order to keep pace with others under the compulsion of a mind-set that if one child will be able to do it, others will also have to do it. This has been a repeat of previous trends in Kashmir, wherein after one person opened an STD/PCO shop or the building of commercial complexes in contemporary context, scores of people rushed to join the bandwagon or the pressure for career choices such as medicine and engineering that stigmatizes all those who did not clear the J&K Common Entrance Test. Such societal pressures overlook the special traits and tastes that every person possesses.
And if a child is seen to be naturally talented in a particular field, why make him lose that passion? Our cultural heritage is rich with creativity and literary potential that needs recognition and fostering from tender years of life. Eminent figures like Dr. Aziz Hajini (The Former Secretary of JKAACL- May Allah have Mercy upon his Soul), and Mr. Himayun Qaiser (The Former Director of Radio Kashmir), have long since been vocal for this approach, “Catch them Young”, realizing the imperative need to identify and train the creative and intellectual potential in the Youth of Kashmir. By doing so, we can ensure not only that our children excel in whatever career paths they decide to follow but also that they contribute much to the general cultural and intellectual fabric of our society.
Another issue which comes into great significance is the reinforcement of gender roles through the toys and activities we encourage for our children. The belief that girls should enjoy playing with kitchen sets, while boys are suited for doctor or astronaut sets, serves only to maintain the stereotypes of what it means to be male or female. Simone de Beauvoir, in ‘The Second Sex’, opposed this very stereotype and said, “women are not born but made through societal expectations”.
Now when girls and boys rise to the same professional heights, it is high time these beliefs should be overcome and replaced with self-sufficiency habits. Children learn through “biological imprinting” where children easily imitate whatever their parents do. When a father is sharing his domestic duties with his wife, the latter’s son is likely to follow that example.
Helping one’s wife with household chores is indeed a Sunnah that has been overlooked, but even mothers do not dare to teach basic household skills to their sons for fear that it may reduce their dignity in society. Thus, we fail to inculcate in children many much-needed social and ethical values-be they girls or boys. In fact, visiting one’s relatives, having a face-to-face talk with them, and giving respect to elders are very much losing their meaning in today’s digital world.
As the philosopher Immanuel Kant said, “it is not enough to teach children knowledge; we must also teach them to act according to ethical principles”. Since mobile phones are now the medium of much of our social interactions, this moral education is more important than ever. The ethical fabrication is eroding due to ignorance. If a mother taunts his child, the father intervenes and confronts with wife furiously in front of a child, and vice-versa. It hampers the budding of basic etiquettes and tolerance in our wards. Similar catastrophic transformations have happened with the value of teachers in contemporary times, which otherwise was a source of inducing discipline.
The trend in today’s society may also seem to regard the 18-year-old wards still too immature to make decisions and manage the domestic affairs. This may further undermine their autonomy and self-sufficiency. As I contemplate my childhood, I still recall how my mother would narrate to me the importance of managing the Academic, Social and Domestic Responsibilities at a tender age.
Today, after scaling heights both in education and research, when I am successfully able to juggle professional and social as well as domestic duties, I salute my mother for teaching me these lessons. My father was no less important, for it was he who gave me the guts to face difficulties, or rather, to see every problem as a disguised opportunity. His lessons were not of facing difficulties, but of making them stepping stones for growth and success. My parents played complementary roles in my upbringing, each contributing uniquely to the person I am today. It is important to note that both mothers and fathers equally bear the responsibilities of shaping the futures of their children.
Whereas the idea of shielding children from life’s cruelties is attractive, it deprives them of the very resources of strength and determination necessary in living through a hard-hitting world. The so-called “feeding with a golden spoon” is temporary; what will last are lessons of persistence and strength parents are able to instil into their children when enabling them to face the adversities of life with dignity and determination. It is when we let our children struggle that we arm them with the tools they will need to navigate their way through life.
Finally, modern parenting has its wars among basic needs and making them strong enough to face life and survive it. We need to take a page from these philosophers’ books: Aristotle, Rousseau, Dewey, de Beauvoir, and Kant, which brings us back to education, morals, and sex equality. Let us now forge ahead to raise a generation capable of working, creating, and being responsible-one that could deal with life’s complications with strength and character.
(The Author is Ph.D. and a Post-Doc researcher and writer, a renowned compere/broadcaster at All India Radio, Srinagar. For feedback, she can be reached at: [email protected])
