“She is a bitch, a serpent…. She has misled my son to snatch him from me. Vow to give him nothing at all”, roared a woman along with her husband in public. Her son and recently wedded daughter-in-law have decided to live separate from the screaming man and woman (the son’s parents) and their other children.
Cases like the above one are not rare; countless daughter-in-laws come to their in-laws with hopes and a desire to live a life of dignity and happiness. But they end up in the bottomless pit of disillusionment. They are abused physically, verbally and at times set ablaze. Call it misunderstanding or abject human rights violation, this author knows scores of such incidents where a girl faces domestic violence immediately after marriage.
Why should a woman not live separate and with her husband? Is it sane to call her names and blame her for not staying as part of the joint family? On what legal or moral grounds is she and her supportive husband denied any property share? These are some of the urgent questions overlooked — ostensibly both legally and morally.
Recently, many incidents of violence against women were reported both locally and nationally. On March 7, 2023, a 30- year-old woman in Budgam district of Central Kashmir did not return home from her computer tuition class. Soon after receiving the complaint, the police raided several locations and detained several suspects, including one carpenter Shabir Ahmed who was later found to have killed the young woman. Ahmed had chopped off her head and sliced her body into pieces and dumped them at different locations according to the police.
A brother allegedly beheaded his sister in Mithwara village of UP’s Barabanki district in the last week of July. A video went viral parading two women naked in the northeast state of Manipur where ethnic violence is going on from May 3. The later one led to the national uproar; even the parliament cried hoarse. Similarly rapes of women, including minors, hit the headlines.
According to the latest National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) report, there was a 15.62 per cent rise in crimes against women in 2021 compared to the year 2020 with over 7,000 arrests for the same in Jammu & Kashmir in 2021. The report shows that there were 64 lakh women in Jammu and Kashmir, according to the 2011 census, and the crime rate per lakh population in 2021 stood at 61.6. There were 315 cases of rape, 1,414 incidents of an attempt to rape, and 14 dowry deaths reported in 2021, and in 91.4 per cent of cases, the accused were known to the victim. Around 1,851 cases of assault attacks on women with the intention to outrage their modesty. Former chairperson of the commission, Nayeema Mehjoor, says that half of the population in the region is unrepresented with no institution for women available for addressing the issues on domestic violence or harassment at workplaces.
Agreed that domestic violence is unlawful, but it does not just encompass rapes, killings and video making. Domestic violence is a crime of massive magnitude. Much of it goes unnoticed, compelling the victim women to suffer silently. Reasons being unawareness about laws, unhelpful media coverage, fear of social stigma and uncertainty about getting justice. Earlier, women would lodge complaints with the state women’s commission but the victims are unable to lodge complaints and get justice since the commission was disbanded. Void of a designated women’s commission in the Union Territory, victims find no place to seek justice.
What remains unnoticed largely is an objectionable and abysmal behavior a daughter-in-law undergoes at her in-laws. Unable to bear with the torture, she naturally either seeks a divorce or a separate house. And in most cases, such separations exist with the support of a bride’s husband. There is nothing wrong or illegal in parting from a joint family. Religions do not prohibit it; laws do not criminalize it. In fact, right to house is a constitutional right and there are provisions where the government provides land and money for making a house.
However, there are thousands of cases where a woman and her husband is being openly denied a property share , a room to live if the couple decides willingly or under pressure to separate from the joint family. In many cases, a bride returns to her parental home heartbroken and humiliated. Sometimes, her husband too turns against her and resorts to wife beating — only to please his parental family. Sometimes, divorces are done if a woman is seen unworthy at her in-laws. This is understandable to an extent if based on good grounds. But torturing a bride and pushing her into abject living conditions because she refuses to conform, is grave human rights violation.
Around two years ago, a girl married a boy in my neighborhood and they have a baby girl now. Not able to tolerate the rude and rough behavior of her sister-in-laws, the bride and her husband decided to leave the joint family. This has plunged them into deep trouble: not only have they been thrown out of the eight-room house, they also have been humiliated to the extent that they have run away from the village. Ironically, a married daughter of the owner of the house has played a key role in expelling the gone couple.
Notably, incidents like this one are on the rise. Neither society nor the legal framework is seemingly showing willingness or competence to prevent such brutal and barbaric practices. Thus, several married people and their children, in many cases, suffer from the abuse. No end to it.
Living with one’s parents or in-laws is a matter of moral obligation or choice. Not a legal binding. But it does not empower any person to humiliate or punish a son or his spouse by torturing them mentally or physically and disinherit them. There is no dearth of such incidents where a daughter-in -law is abused even after separating from the joint family culture. Her silent suffering does not mean all is well with her after marriage.
In 2015, many religious scholars were reported to have called for boycotting the households demanding dowry and pushing married women to suicide. He had also appealed to the women [facing domestic violence] to show strength by informing their local Masjid management and the concerned rights bodies about what they were being subjected to. However, eight years have gone by. The situation has only worsened in Kashmir and women continue to remain silent victims.
Living separate from a joint family needs to be recognized as a legal right and denying property share to the person concerned needs to be declared unlawful and a punishable offence. Cases of domestic violence — where daughter-in-laws are treated inhumanly — need to be given wide media coverage. This is likely to act as a deterrent. Let the law wake up.
(The author is a teacher by profession and RK columnist. He can be reached on: [email protected])
