LITTLE STEPS, BIG JUDGMENTS
Sara (name changed) is a beautiful three-year-old girl with sparkling eyes and a cheerful smile. Her fluent communication in English, natural curiosity, and vibrant personality make her stand out among children of her age. As a close friend of her mother, I often interact with Sara, and each meeting amazes me. I vividly recall once asking her the name of a planet, and she named every planet in the solar system. Anybody who meets Sara ascertains that she is a bright child. However, her parents recently experienced a traumatic and humiliating ordeal that shook their confidence in their daughter’s future. What was meant to be a straightforward process of enrolment in a prestigious school turned into a harrowing journey of rejection, confusion, and unfair judgement.
The Dream of a Prestigious School
Sara’s parents decided to enrol her in the valley’s first international school known for offering the Cambridge International Examination Curriculum. They believed this institution would provide the best opportunities for Sara’s growth and development. Sara had been only taught English at home because of the school’s emphasis on English language. Confident that this environment would nurture her talents, they eagerly submitted her admission application. Excited yet nervous, they were unprepared for the challenges ahead. The school announced that the admission preference would be given to the siblings of existing students, leaving only a few seats for others. Hundreds of hopeful parents, including Sara’s, submitted admission forms along with the obvious fees. Parents were told they would receive an email if their child was shortlisted for an interview, but the school gave no clear criteria for shortlisting.
Sara’s mother checked her inbox obsessively, her anxiety growing with each passing day. After a week of silence, she discovered through informal sources that having “Zaan” (influence) or “Sufarish” (recommendation) was crucial for securing an interview. Determined to give Sara every opportunity, her parents sought the necessary ‘‘connections’’ and eventually received the long-awaited email. Sara was called for an interview!
The Interviews
Sara was taken into a room by a teacher with other children for the interview. Confident that Sara would ace the interview; her mother anxiously waited outside the room. However, she was called in just after few moments and informed that Sara was unresponsive to the interviewer’s questions. When prompted by her mother, Sara answered all the questions, leaving the interviewer astonished at Sara’s performance. Her mother explained that Sara was primarily taught in English at home and may find it difficult to understand Urdu. Sara, being naturally attracted to the toys that were kept in one corner started playing with them. Despite this, she was confidently answering every question posed to her by her mother in English.
A moment later, Sara’s mother was called by the head of Admission to inform that Sara had not been selected. Despite her exceptional performance, the school denied admission quoting Sara’s inconsistent eye contact and that she interacted only with her mother instead of the interviewer. Heartbroken but undeterred, Sara’s parents left the school and used their connections once again to secure a second interview believing the initial assessment was based on a misunderstanding.
This time, the interview took place in front of Sara’s parents. Since this was the second interview, scheduled through influence, the interviewer began by stating that there was no point in conducting it because they had already communicated in the previous session that Sara was not selected. Upon the parents’ insistence, the interviewer reluctantly agreed and stated, “We have therapists here, and they will assess your daughter throughout the interview.” During the session, the therapists repeatedly called Sara by the name ‘Saira,’ to which she didn’t respond. One of the therapists remarked, “Look, she is not responding.”
Sara’s mother intervened and politely requested them to call her by her correct name, Sara. After this, Sara answered every question and interacted well during the interview. Despite her efforts, the therapists and interviewer continued to make unnecessary and dismissive remarks. They claimed Sara wasn’t making eye contact, wasn’t focusing, and wasn’t interacting properly. Sara’s mother could sense that they had already made up their minds to reject her, as their comments didn’t reflect Sara’s actual behavior during the session. This was especially frustrating because Sara had performed well, yet their lack of interest and biased remarks overshadowed her efforts. Ultimately, Sara was rejected once again and was labeled as “not fit” for a regular class. The school proposed a series of speech therapy sessions and other interventions to “remedy” her condition before she could join her peers in a normal classroom setting.
A Shocking “Diagnosis’’
Wanting the best for their child, Sara’s parents reluctantly agreed to have Sara undergo further evaluation at a specific recommended child development centre in Srinagar. The parents were informed that after undergoing the recommended therapies, she could potentially join a normal class. When Sara’s parents asked if her seat in the school would be confirmed after completing the sessions at the center, the head of admissions replied that it was not guaranteed. After completing the sessions, the school would evaluate her again to decide if she was fit for a normal class. This added layer of uncertainty further compounded the parents’ distress and frustration, leaving them feeling helpless and questioning the fairness of the process.
Despite their concerns, Sara’s parents decided to take her to the centre. Sara underwent several psychological tests conducted, ironically, by the same therapist who had interviewed her at the school. She was then subjected to a questionnaire with only binary answers. With each response, the therapist’s visible disappointment added to the mother’s confusion. The therapist’s disapproving head tilts further puzzled her. Finally, they were informed that Sara exhibited “unusual” behavior and wouldn’t be accepted. The parents, who had never noticed anything unusual about their active and eloquent daughter, were left bewildered by this assessment.
After a day, a detailed report was provided to Sara’s parents. The diagnosis came as a shock, leaving them overwhelmed and uncertain about what the future might hold. The report revealed that Sara had been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), a developmental condition characterized by challenges with social interaction, communication, and repetitive behaviours. While the term encompasses a wide range of abilities and traits, it often leaves parents grappling with uncertainty and concern about their child’s future. I witnessed how this experience impacted Sara’s parents, especially her mother. She was devastated and deeply worried about her daughter’s future, carrying the weight of this rejection with immense tension and heartbreak.
Distraught and dissatisfied, Sara’s mother could no longer view her daughter in the same light. Every action of Sara now seemed to confirm the label that had been placed on her, making her mother feel as though Sara was not normal. Despite this, the parents remained undeterred and sought a second opinion from a renowned child psychiatrist at the Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Sciences, Kashmir. After thorough observation and detailed discussions, the psychiatrist categorically dismissed the ASD diagnosis.
“Diagnosing ASD requires careful multi-faceted approach to ensure accuracy and avoid misdiagnosis,” the psychiatrist explained. A single observation or evaluation cannot capture the full picture of a child’s developmental patterns and behaviours. Young children, especially those around three years old, often display behaviours that may seem atypical but are part of normal developmental variability. Diagnosing too early or based on limited observation risks mislabelling. Reassuring the parents, the psychiatrist emphasized that Sara was a healthy, bright child developing well for her age. Sara’s parents were visibly relieved, as if a weight had been lifted from their shoulders. It was as though her mother had been freed from an immense pain, finally finding solace and reassurance about her daughter’s well-being.
Mindless Meadows
This experience led me to investigate further. Shockingly, many parents have shared similar stories of their children being hastily labelled with disorders, followed by referrals for expensive therapies. Words like fraud, money minting scam can be seen floating around. They charge between 3,000 to 4,000 INR for evaluations alone, with additional, potentially exorbitant charges for therapies that are recommended to continue for 4-5 months adding financial strain to the already emotional and challenging situation for the parents. This revelation is deeply troubling and calls for urgent reform.
The Need for Inclusive Education
Sara’s story highlights a glaring contradiction in the principles of inclusivity and inclusion in education. Inclusive education emphasizes understanding and supporting every child’s unique abilities, fostering mutual respect and collaboration. Instead of labelling children prematurely, schools should adopt a strength-based approach that recognizes a child’s potential and provides personalized support.
The practices at many child development centres and the schools in the valley not only undermine these principles but also prioritize profit over the well-being of children. This revelation is deeply troubling and calls for urgent reform. Labelling a healthy normal child otherwise can scar the child’s perception about themselves and can prevail throughout their life.
Protecting Sara’s Future: A Parent’s Determination against Unnecessary Labels
Sara’s parents endured a journey marked by one trauma after another. Each step deepened their anguish, as what should have been a hopeful process turned into an emotional ordeal that highlighted the flaws in the system. After receiving the diagnosis and facing the school’s uncertain admission policies, they decided not to admit Sara to this particular school. Once, they had been eager to secure her a seat there (to the extent that they hadn’t even considered any other school). However, their concerns about the potential for future labels being imposed on their daughter made the decision clear.
Ironically, the school’s Executive Head’s message on their website proclaims, “Every single child is unique; let us work together to shape that uniqueness!” Determined to protect Sara’s well-being, her parents have resolved to seek alternative options that offer a more supportive and nurturing environment, leaving the name of this school behind as a distant memory. Sara’s parents’ resilience has shielded their daughter from an unjust fate, reminding us that every child is unique and deserves to be celebrated for who they are.
A Wake-Up Call for Society
Sara’s ordeal is not an isolated incident. It represents the struggles of countless parents who face humiliation and suffering while trying to secure the best for their children. Educational institutions must uphold integrity, and parents must seek credible evaluations. Often lacking time, parents blindly trust such centres credibility without checking the credentials of the therapists running such centres.
As a society, we must demand ethical practices in education and mental health services. The formative years of a child’s life should be filled with encouragement and opportunities, not marred by unwarranted labels and unnecessary interventions. Let us work together to ensure that educational institutions become sanctuaries of learning and growth, fostering an environment where every child can thrive.
To all parents
Trust your instincts about your child. Seek second opinions and challenge anything that doesn’t feel right. Do not get blinded by the sheen and stardom of schools with only impressive facades. The schools must actually possess inclusive educational policies; focus on child’s overall development.
(The author can be reached at: [email protected])
