Are sons are a necessity but daughters a burden? Right you are if your answer is — not. But realistically speaking, a morbid belief rooted in gender discrimination persists more or less in all sections of society with even education and wealth not outweighing the prejudice: sons are superior. This attitude manifests itself in the deafening silence , in social and media circles, over rampant violence brazenly committed against women within or outside the family; in particular the mental torture vis-a- vis most daughters- in- law within families.
Do we really care for this punishable offense? Or have we come to accept it? Daughters -in-law continue to cry out for help, hoping the world would hear them. The climate of violence disrupts social life, compromising the very purpose and standing of social institutions: legal and moral.
“She is a bitch, a serpent…. She has misled my son to snatch him from me. Vow to give him nothing at all”, roared a woman alongside her husband openly: her son and daughter-in-law have to live separate from the joint family. This abuse at in-laws gains strength and looks normal partly due to watching public’s excessive silence. Resultantly, victim brides are left to fend for themselves.
Countless girls nourish hopes and a desire to live a life of dignity and safety at in-laws. But they end up in the bottomless pit of disillusionment; the home, in most cases, proves a living hell. These women are abused physically, verbally and at times set ablaze — alive or dead.
Why should a daughter- in-law not live with her legal husband separately? Is it not sinful / unlawful to call her names for separating? On what legal or moral grounds is she and her supportive husband denied a separate home and / or the property rights — to eventually drive the couple to a conflict for its fundamental rights: property share and honorable life? Rarely do perpetrators of violence (the in-laws) get their just deserts. The daughter-in-law and her husband deserve a safety net — both physical and emotional. But they look for a miraculous escape. In Anantnag last week, a woman was allegedly murdered and her body burned down in a cowshed by her in-laws. Where is the legal fear and — moral fear?
And recently, I found a young mother appealing to her in-laws for taking her two-year old son to a doctor but they insulted her saying, ” Keep silence; we know what to do with ‘our child’. You got him ill. Foolish!” The mother’s liberty and self-esteem was trampled at will. These routine and nameless atrocities musk criminal negligence at home, the so called place of safety and dignity for a hapless daughter-in -law in this case.
Violence against brides at in-laws involves verbal abuse, wife battering, marital rape, killings, throwing out of house and denial of property share. Without any significant deterrence, the inhuman and barbaric behavior of these offenders remains invisible but stark.
Law unawareness, unhelpful media coverage, fear of social stigma and uncertainty about getting due justice fuel the dismal scenario, encouraging the perpetrators to remorselessly persist with their predatory activities with utter disregard to the constitutional rights of women. Victims hardly find a shoulder to cry on for justice.
Unable to bear with the traumatic ordeal, a daughter-in-law naturally and understandably seeks a divorce or a separate house. And in most cases, a separate house remains a distant dream unless the bride’s husband goes against the tide to protect her and his own human rights. There is nothing wrong or illegal in parting from a joint family. Religions do not prohibit it; laws do not criminalize it. In fact, the right to house is a constitutional right and government provides land and money for making a house. We can resolve matters amicably. But alas the boy/son superior notion spits venom against a nonconforming daughter-in-law and tortures her on impunity!
However, there are thousands of cases where a bride returns to her parental home heartbroken and humiliated. Sometimes, her husband too ill treats her— only to please his parental family. Divorces are done if a woman’s behaviour is disliked by in-laws which is understandable to an extent if based on solid grounds. But condemning a daughter-in-law to abject conditions for not conforming is grave human rights violation. Why get your sons married if you still live in medevial times and have zero tolerance for innovation?
Around two years ago, a girl married a boy in my neighborhood and they have a baby girl now. Unable to pocket the insulting behavior of her sister-in-laws, the bride and her husband left the joint family. This has plunged them into dire straits. Not only has the young couple been thrown out of the eight-room house, but also has been forced out of the village.
Living with in-laws is a not a legal binding: Joint life thrives on mutual respect and understanding. But it is criminal violence if any person punishes a separating son and his spouse through verbal or physical assault. We have numerous incidents where a daughter-in -law/ son is abused even after separating from the joint family culture.
Cases of domestic violence is a failure at multiple levels — the administration, the community and the family level. Why do not we care? Why does it not matter to us at all? Lazy excuses are akin to abnegating the responsibility.
Regretful it is that we do not generally seek civic duty of citizens or of each other. It falls upon the rule book to extricate the victim brides from humiliation and hellish life at in-laws. Having a Women Rights Comission with punitive powers in each district is imperative. Dismantling of barriers to social justice to daughters-in-law should not wait any longer.
(Author is a teacher by profession and RK columnist. Feedback: [email protected])
