Violence against women and girls is an outright human rights violation, and the immediate and long-term physical, sexual, and mental consequences for women and girls can be devastating, death included. Atrocities — physical and mental — are committed on impunity against women here; daughters -in-law, the soft targets and silent victims in particular. According to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) data, 3,900 cases {of crime against women} were registered in 2021, 3,800 in 2022, and around 4,100 in 2023 (in Jammu and Kashmir). Nothing can change if we change nothing. It is high time, we join hands and not only arrest the routine of violence against our daughters -in-law but reverse this runaway criminal offence.
As (this) society has become more accepting towards domestic violence against daughters-in-law or their husbands or both in most cases, 95% older adults feel comfortable living separately or with one son and his wife as an option. Brittle financial stability and craving for independence are key factors in this development. Many older adults are financially independent — due to their service pension or salary or agricultural income — and no longer feel the need to stay in a joint family consisting of daughters -in-law . And once sons leave the joint family with their wives, their parents do not see a pressing need to persuade the young couples to return for living together, especially, if they have different or clashing interests .
Instead, a troubling routine is on the rise among the bride’s in-laws: they hatch plots to split the young couple by withholding their property share for decades together or denying it altogether. Also, the young couple is thrown out of the house or some shelter is provided only after a horrible fight. The in-laws manufacture big lies to mislead the neighbors — only to justify the verbal / physical abuse of the bride and her husband ( the son in fact) apart from depriving the couple of a roof over its head and of the constitutional right to live with dignity and comfort.
The young mother, as mentioned earlier, confronted the same agony. Her husband’s middle aged parents are living neither with him nor with their other married son. Thus three families are living under a single roof. What happened on the fateful day — the two brothers had a heated argument over something. Their parents dangerously sided with the younger son and his wife and thrashed this daughter- in- law (the young mother) and this son (her husband) on spot.
The fight saw the parents throwing the couple’s each item of use out of the single- room house and locking the door behind. Thus this helpless young couple and their children lost shelter and face within minutes in this chilling winter.
This trend can be attributed to a variety of factors: lax implementation of the rule of law criminalizing cruelty against a daughter-in-law; providing housing rights to all citizens and providing right to property to every individual. Public silence and indifference exacerbate the situation. This leaves thousands of sons and their wives languishing in distress, depression and helplessness.
Truth is that domestic violence is widely prevalent in this UT but largely remains invisible in public domain. A woman is subjected to cruelty by her husband or his relatives. It happens in a number of ways: beating, hanging her, poisoning her, burning her, making her commit a suicide, verbal abuse, over- working her, neglecting her health and throwing her out of home for petty reasons. Main reasons remain overt or covert demand for dowry, a wife’s opposition to the disloyalty by her husband and bad looks of a woman. Or by simply exercising her freedom of speech.
A daughter-in-law is supposed to simply receive orders at her matrimonial home. Her mannerisms, habits, values, beliefs and attitude are not accepted. That results in a clash. She is expected to do as she is directed by her in-laws. Every one — her sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law, father-in-law and mother-in -law- begin to order her to make her do every piece of work from washing to making bed. Her likes and dislikes and sentiments are ignored. She cannot resist. She has to follow their orders. And if she does not, she is punished verbally as well as physically and is forced to return to her parental home or live in a rented house. And in most cases, a woman tolerates this ordeal; the property share is denied.
From the statistics, the volume of the crime can be known, but it is very hard to know the impact of damage done to a woman’s personality and psyche. In our society, a woman is socialized for generations into acceptance of suffering and also not enough empowered to stand on her own feet and raise her voice. So she silently suffers behind doors. What hurts more is that she does not leave her matrimonial home, fearing bad effects of her action on her children, her parental family. So she silently goes on tolerating the torment and ill-treatment at her matrimonial home. What an irony, in her parents’ home, she is someone else’s property and in her matrimonial home, she is an outsider. And she only has to behave as per the wishes of her in-laws.
Legal grounds for this barbaric and inhuman treatment are claims of ownership of property by the in-laws, zero conviction rate of the in-laws and wider social sanction. The non-reporting of these crimes to police/court is the main reason why the cruelty rate by in-laws in JK UT is so high. But it is hoped that cases shall be filed with police as to the ill-treatment of a daughter-in-law by her husband’s parental family (her in-laws). Let’s support this noblest act to prevent injustice.
(Author is RK Columnist and teacher by profession. Feedback: [email protected]
