Calm Parenting and Confident Kids

• By RK News
• Comments 0
• 24 Jan 2023

Dr. AJAZ AHMAD SUHAFF

It is a well-known fact that parenting is a series of twists and turns.  Parenting consists of  both good and bad experiences and a demanding job, a job that no one ever trains you for. Parenting ensures children’s health and safety; prepare them for life, and transmitting cultural values.  Researchers have described different human parenting styles in which parents interact with their children. Parents adopt different parent styles to raise their children. The parenting styles adopted by parents differ based on their personality, preferences, or maybe it also depends on their child. As children sometimes  indulge in less desirable behavior which may be problematic for the parents. Such behaviors compel their parents to lose their cool and react in an irrational manner. Parents start yelling or shouting to their children and express their anger and frustration.

What will happen if you start yelling at Children?

• It can create stress in the family.
• Can have adverse effects on a child's mental and emotional development.
• Can escalate the child’s aggression, be it verbal or physical.
• Can be also associated with lower self-esteem for kids.
• Can drastically reduce their performance in school.
• These children are at risk for aggressive or disruptive behavior.
• Children start thinking that parent doesn’t “love them or even like them.
• Both children as well as parents loose the opportunity to form positive and affectionate bonds which is very important in Parent-Child relationship.
• And unfortunately these children are predisposed to anxiety, depression and other psychological distresses.
• Not only children it also affects the mental health of the parents.

Tips for Parents

Identify the problems between them and their children which create all the misunderstandings. E.g. if your child gets up late or not willing to do home work, or if they throw clothes everywhere in the room. Just think over these problems and try to break down these behaviors in steps not at once.

Set up a routine with simplicity

• Try to avoid triggers. If you know that your child gets cranky by some triggers, try as much as possible to avoid that.
• Talk to your children and understand them well.
• Give time to your children and try to teach them time-management.
• Take Breaks and Give them Breaks,
• Avoid sometimes their problematic behaviours but don’t be in denial.
• Encourage their positive behaviors

Be a model for your kids how to talk about feelings

• If your child is screaming then leave the room and take some deep breaths and come back with  patience and ask them why they are upset.
• Try to think about some positive aspect of your child.
• Be a good Listener. Talking about your feelings with your children really helps to keep each other on track.
• Think where your children are wrong; think where you have gone wrong. Rewind and Do over and try to make it right.
• Keep a dairy and write it all down so that you can focus on the problems your kids have.
• We should learn to apologize to our children that we feel bad and that we are sorry the way we yelled at them.

Be Mindful and Present

Treat your children with kindness and respect. If the situation is beyond your control, seeking support from the professionals is very important. Like Children might engage in dangerous activities and trying to solve the situation calmly might not be effective. Positive parenting is NOT about perfection.  It is very important to strive to solve these conflicts in a respectful manner. Most important thing in positive parenting is just to be “Calm”. Calmness lets your body function with your best capabilities. It helps you to think logically and understand your children clearly. It will benefit you and your family in a longer way. You do not have to worry about the children never listening to you, Worry that they are always watching you, so be a Role Model.

(The Author is Consultant Psychiatrist Govt Medical College Srinagar, IMHANS)