And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. (Quran 30:21). According to the Quran, the purpose of marriage is to attain tranquility and peace, which can never be achieved through impulsive sexual fulfillment unless it is accompanied by mutual love, affection, caring, and sharing, which are all part and parcel of a fulfilling and productive marriage relationship. Islam, as we know it holistically from the sources, is a balanced way of looking at things.
Following are important factors that can strengthen a marriage relationship in Islam:
A Muslim must always have a positive attitude towards his or her life. Say “Alhamdulillah” (Praise be to Allah) for whatever Allah (SWT) gives us (or doesn’t give us). Accept each other completely. Forgive and forget the shortcomings. As our Prophet (SAW) said, if you dislike one of his/her characteristics, you will be pleased with another.
Our Prophet (SAW) stressed the importance of men helping their wives and as mentioned in the Quran, Allah (SWT) tells us the importance of women being mates and helpers to their husbands. This is a real “win-win” situation. Husband and wife helping and supporting each other will result in a strong relationship.
Muslims, men and women are ordered to be trustworthy and follow the example of our prophet (SAW) as the “Trustworthy”. They should never expose their secrets to a third person. Prophet (SAW) said in Sahih Muslim that the most wicked among the people in the eye of Allah (SWT) on the Day of judgment will be those men who divulges their wife’s secrets to others.
You get respect when you give respect. This is mandatory for all Muslims towards all people, how much more toward the spouse?
Our prophet (SAW) used to entertain his wife Ayesha (RA) and she used to play and race with him. Narrated Aisha (RA), Ummul Mu’minin: while she was on a journey along with the Messenger of Allah (SAW): I had a race with him (the Prophet) and I outstripped him on my feet. When I became fleshy, (again) I had a race with him (the Prophet) and he outstripped me. He said: This is for that outstripping. (Sunan Abi Dawud)
Clearly, this is one of the most important aspects of Islam. Whoever does not forgive – will not be forgiven. This comes from Allah (SWT), Himself. We must learn to forgive each others for a good spouse relationship in Islam.
Spend time together. Go for walks. Take a bus ride. Visit a friend or someone who is ill (you get big rewards for that). Fast together on Mondays & Thursdays if you can. Make hajj – this is a great way to get a “new start” on life.
Our prophet (SAW) told us not to make our homes like grave yards. We should offer some of our Sunnah prayers at home.
(Author is Quran Student, Educator and Columnist)