Marriages of Yesteryears
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Marriages of Yesteryears

The best part about our marriages was their simplicity and being economical. There was no pomp and show

Post by on Saturday, November 6, 2021

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Couple of days ago, on a pleasantly cold evening, a sweet sounding ‘wanwun’ (Chorus songs sung by kashmiri women in marriages) entered into my eardrums. It was so soothing, sweet and nostalgic, that I sat still and silent to enjoy the mellifluous melody of our folklore; which has to a greater extent vanished to the commotion of modern modes of entertainment. The honeyed chorus voice forced me to peep into the sight. Since it were my next-door neighbours, whose daughter was being married off, so, I opened the window of my room from the second story, and began to look into the boisterously exuberant women, men and children who were busy in different rituals of the marriage.

 

The scenes drove me evocative, and took me back to the lanes and by-lanes of my childhood days, when marriages were mostly carried out in November and December. Late autumn was preferred for marriage ceremonies because the season would usually make an end to different agricultural activities, in rural areas of our valley. During this time, most of the people used to be free, so, it was the ripest time to perform a marriage though it was chilly cold at nights, then. 

 

Marriages were simple but binding in nature, then. Unlike contemporary times, marriage ceremonies would most often provide opportunities and platforms for social intimacy and great rapport in kinships. All relatives, friends and neighbours were invited without any distinction. Children of whole village would enjoy the great feast parallel to relatives' children. People were invited all in sundry. Neighbours and relatives used to extend all possible help to the family, whose son or daughter was supposed to get married. Neighbours would make frequent visits to the family of groom or bride, to inquire about different preparations regarding the marriage. Even many would lend a handsome amount of money to needy ones.

 

Preparation of a marriage would begin months before the proposed date of solemnization. Firewood for ‘wure’ ( fuel for cooking wazwan ) was probably the first prerequisite to be taken care of and collected. Since our ancestors had been wise enough, as they had left a treasure of monstrous mulberry trees for us. Now, we have exhausted the vast resource of these trees. Anyways, big and old mulberry trees were preferred for the purpose, because the fuel of the tree was believed to be rich in energy and heat, which is quite true.

 

The ritual would always begin with the burning of rue, ( Isband zalun ) because the rue burning is considered to bring good and propitious omen to the auspicious marriage ceremonies. It was also thought to ward off the evil eyes. Big saws, axes and wedges were used to cut the hard woody stems and branches of the trees. Later, the desired pieces of the firewood were piled up in the backyard of the house of married-to-be groom or bride. Every family of neighborhood would ensure that a man was sent to perform different chores and tasks of the family. These volunteers (Palzan Weal) were almost mollycoddled, because they would battle all odds bravely. They could face inclement weather very bravely.

 

After firewood collection, it used to be the turn of ‘wardan’ (Stitching of dresses for groom, bride and all the family members). An experienced and professional tailor, along with his disciples, was brought to the home of the groom or bride. Toffees, walnuts, almonds and a tip of cash, were offered to the tailor before taking to scissors, needles and threads. The tailors were pampered and respected throughout their stay in the house of the groom or the bride. Finally, the tailor would leave after finishing the job.

 

As per the different requirements of the marriage, rice winnowing ( Tumul Chhatun ) was done separately. Women of the entire neighborhood were invited to separate husk and other impurities from the rice. The women would bring toffee packs or sun-dried walnuts, in the drooping parts of their dupattas, and would throw it on the sacks of rice. Children would pounce upon these toffees and walnuts, as if leopards would leap on their prey. Hymns, Naats and typical Kashmiri marriages songs were sung during the whole day. Bride-to-be was praised and made aware about her duties and responsibilities towards her in-laws. Though the tradition is still in vogue, but only in name. City dwellers have almost abandoned this tradition. Such get-togethers would always harmonize our social fabric. 

 

Spice pounding ( Masalle Dagun ) was yet another part of our marriages. Unlike today, during older times, spices for marriages were bought as a whole. Big rock mortars and long wooden pestles were used to pound these spices. Grinding chillies was the most hectic assignment for women, because it would often take a complete day or two for women to prepare sufficient red chili powder for a marriage. Pounding rest of the spices was a bit easy. It was the time when villagers were self-sufficient and self-reliant. Though some packed spices were available in the market, but indigenously prepared things were prioritized over packed ones from the markets. Thus, chances of adulteration were almost nil.

 

Cauldrons, ‘Tramis’ (Big Cooper plates) and other utensils for cooking and serving wazwan were borrowed from many neighbors. At many occassions, pillows and furnishing mats were also borrowed from close neighbours. Both lenders and borrowers were simple, generous, sincere and egoless. They would lend things happily. The tradition would not only save many bucks of the family, but would add sugary sweetness and saccharinity to our social milieu. Such practices would define neighbours in the truest sense. Plastic disposables had no place in our marriages. Curd was served in earthen vessels.

 

The best part about our marriages was their simplicity and being economical. There was no pomp and show. Wazwan was prepared with a few dishes and cuisines. There was no extravaganza involved in marriages then. My father told me that there used to be no cozy tents during his childhood days. Walls of rooms were clay daubed creamy, which would give best possible insulation to these kacha dwellings. Thus, these rooms were cooler during summers and warmer during winters. A few jewelry items would suffice both the parties to solemnise the marriage. A beautiful but abandoned tradition of our marriages was ‘Poh’ (Presenting a rice sack or two, to the family whose son or daughter was to be married off). Since Kashmiris were mostly agriculturists then; so the rice was available in abundance. It would save the family from the clutches of moneylenders. Now, the tradition is no more known to our young people. The custom has vanished into the thin air. 

 

We still relish and enjoy wazwan in our marriages, but that element of love is missing. Now, we hire people to serve our guests. Now, neither we ask our neighbours to extend their help to us, nor our egoistic neighbours care a bit about our chores and necessities. That blend of love, sympathy and brotherhood is altogether gone.  Multicuisined feast of wazwan adds taste to our tongue, but we fail to sweeten our hearts. Our false awe and majesty, our hollow egotism, our fake standards have made marriages very difficult and almost impossible to perform. Dowry and other unnecessary customs have made the hell of it. This is probably one of the major reasons that thousands of marriageable girls have crossed the marriageable ages. Where are we heading towards? We need to introspect our ways of living. We have added many reckless and profligate rituals to our marriages. A thought of marriage sends shivers down the spine of economically weaker families of our society. The ugliest truth behind this growing menace is the involvement of our so-called intellectual and educated class in it. May good sense prevail soon!

 

(Author is a Teacher and Rising Kashmir Columnist. He can be reached at mushtaqhurra143@gmail.com)

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