Usually, Dodhmouj would be a close relative from the bride's family, an aunt or sometimes a sister or even a cousin

By Hakeem Farshita

Kashmiri weddings have unique traditions, some of which, off late, have lost its prevalence. One such tradition is the figure of Dodhmouj. The word has no English equivalent but we can call her a 'bridesmaid' for the purpose of the functions she served. As per tradition, Dodhmouj was a woman who would accompany the bride to the groom's house and make sure the bride is comfortable at her in-laws house. This was a time when there were no means of communication like telephones or internet and word of bride's comfort or discomfort  was passed through by the Dodhmouj.

Usually, Dodhmouj would be a close relative from the bride's family, an aunt or sometimes a sister or even a cousin.

The purpose of Dodhmouj was considered very important during those days for a bride as she would be starting a new life. The role and responsibilty of Dodhmouj was to make the bride comfortable at her in-laws place, give her strength and prepare her for  married life. It is said that the Dodhmouj would advice the bride about do's and dont's of married life.

In some cases, relatives of the bride would hire someone (often always a women) to play the role of Dodhmouj. Called as middlewoman or Dai, she would live with the bride for one day or one week. Later on, the middlewoman would be gifted with an expensive dress and sandals by the groom's family, or in some cases even paid some money.

Talking to Rising Kashmir, a woman Shakeela Ashraf recalling her experience during her wedding said, "My aunt was my Dodhmoaj at my wedding day. My in-laws made her sit in the guest room. Next day we had our tea together. She asked me if I am okay and happy and then she left and went to my parents place to tell my family that I am completely fine. She stayed at my in-laws place for a night."

However, these days, the tradition and the role of Dodhmouj has vanished from Kashmiri weddings.

Another woman Syed Rumaisa said that during her marriage in 2019, there was no Dodhmouj by her side. "Things have changed now and families don't send Dodhmouj to groom's place. Marriages now take place in hotels and marriage halls and groom and bride don't necessarily have to not know each other."

The concept of Dodhmouj is almost a strange thing for today's generation. With rise in education and awareness of rights, the figure of Dodhmouj has slipped into the crevices of history.

Dr Adfer Shah, a Kashmiri sociologist from Jamia Millia Islamia explains that education, exposure to modernity etc has played a role in fading of such a practice. "Even religious education has fairly increased. People these days are more open about relationships," he said. This explains the erasure of once well-known tradition associated with Kashmiri weddings.