Guide your children positively
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Guide your children positively

Post by on Sunday, October 17, 2021

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As found across species in universe in general and human beings in particular, parents care for their children and they always would like to do the best for them.  It is the responsibility of the parents to guide their children, correct them if they are wrong or in other way, they try to discipline them.
To guide your children in a positive way and discipline them is crucial to promote self-control, teach responsibility and help them make thoughtful choices. The word “discipline” literally has its roots in the Latin word “disciplinare” meaning to teach or train.  
Negative approaches for guidance such as physical force, threats and put-downs can interfere with a child's healthy development. The goal of positive guidance is to develop children’s self-control, encourage children to assume responsibility, and assist children in making thoughtful decisions which can help them in their healthy development. You can guide your child good behavior, encourage and support good behavior, and set consistent limits.
It’s also important to know how much you can expect from your child. As we have seen in our experience that children and adolescents coming with behavioral problems as their parents expect too much from them, even more than the child’s capability.
COVID-19 Pandemic has impact on all the facets of life be it economic, health, education. School and college going children have been derailed from their normal routine. Face to face interactions among the students with their classmates and teachers is minimal. The schools are not only for achieving academic excellence, but personality development as well. This has resulted in some of our adolescents becoming anxious and irritable. Although online classes have to some extent compensated but obviously cannot replace the system of education that has been prevalent since ages.
However, both teacher community and students though have difficulties initially with technology and the online classes started adopting it. Never the less, there is end to everything, so will this pandemic end soon, hopefully, so that all of us get back to our routine.
We have three types of parenting: the Autocratic type, where the parents dictate child everything and he is supposed to follow but this may result in making your child highly dependent for all times to come for even the minor decisions. Second one is the submissive type of parenting where the parents listen to and fulfill all the rational and irrational demands of their children, such children can have undue expectations, other behavioral and psychological consequences. Third and best model is Democratic parenting, where in the parents and the children make a consensus and take a joint decision regarding various future related issues. This model gives the children sense of wellbeing and they feel that they are equally been seen as decisive contributors for fulfilling their aspirations and future goals.
There are many instances, where there is lack of harmonious relationship with in the family and the parenting style adopted is not within expected limits or if there are psychological issues within the parents or the children, then the conflicts come to fore.
Many a times minor psychological issues are resolved at family level and may not need professional help. But, if early warning signs are significant and out of proportion, they need to be taken seriously and not ignored as the same may lead to development of psychiatric disorders and even drug abuse, which needs to be managed by the team comprising of psychiatrist, psychologist and counsellor.
WHEN TO WORRY
 
•        Difficulty in managing emotions: If your child can’t control their anger, frustration, or disappointment in an age-appropriate manner.
•        Poor impulse control: If your child has risk taking behavior.
•        Disrespect and backtalk: If your child become aggressive or yell at their elders or teachers.
•        Lying.
•        Too Much Screen Time.
•        Food-related problems: If your child claims to be hungry every 10 minutes, or sneaks food during times when it is not allowed and sometimes doesn’t want to have healthy foods.
•        Whining.
•        Repeating mistakes again and again: If your child repeat mistakes from time to time and exhibit the same misbehavior regardless of the consequences.
•        Bedtime behavior problems: If your child has lack of sleep or being cranky in the night.
•        Trouble in school: If your child is sent out of class, getting into fights during the breaks and you get complaints from school often.
•        Problems with social interactions: If your child’s behavior prevents them from having friends and not able to maintain social relationships.
•        Self-injurious behaviour: If your child is having self-injurious behaviours such as banging their head or other self-harming  behaviors, such behaviors need professional help.
Why do children Misbehave?
•        They test how their elders behave and will they enforce rules or not.
•        If they are being held to expectations beyond their developmental levels
•        If they feel threat to their independence.
•        If children are bored.
•        If they don’t have proper information.
•        If rewarded for their abnormal behavior.
•        Children copy their parents.
•        Verbal abuse:  Yelling at children and using words to cause emotional pain or shame also has been found to be ineffective and harmful.
How to Guide them
•        Implement simple, clear and consistent rules for your child.
•        Create safe environment around your child.
•        Take interest in the activities of your child.
•        It is important to engage with your child in play way method.
•        Self-control should be encouraged.
•        Encourage your child’s good behaviours.
•        Trust your child.
•        Don’t expect too much from them.
•        Say "yes" whenever possible and appropriate.
•        Don’t compare your child’s grades with others.
•        Time out: During time out, children are required to spend time alone in a specific place that has few, if any, rewarding characteristics.
•        Redirect bad behavior: Sometimes children misbehave because they are bored or don't know anything better. Find something else for your child to do.
•        Hear them out: Listening is important. Let your child finish the story before helping solve the problem.
•        Show and tell: Teach children how to differentiate between right from wrong with calm words and actions. Model behaviors you would like to see in your children.
•        Give them your attention. 
•        Acknowledge your teen's efforts, achievements, and success.
•        Give them simple tasks. Reward them with praise.
•        Don't let yourself or others use physical punishment.
Common verbal praises which can boost your child’s confidence:
You are valued as a person.
I believe in you.
I trust you.
I know you can handle life situations.
I care for you.
You are important to me.
I am pleased with you.
I love you.
You can tell me anything.
It's OK to make mistakes, but at same time it’s important not to repeat them.
I am also learning with you.
It is not on the child’s behavior but style of parenting also which is very important for child’s normal development. There should be a balance between setting appropriate limits and granting the child independence. Good parents should always take into account a child's unique needs and developmental level while implementing discipline and guidance strategies.
Emphasis needs to be given to sticking to ABC’s of lifestyle: Adequate sleep (7 to 9 hours), Balance diet (High Protein, fiber, fruits, fluids and less of fats and junk foods), Connecting with your family, friends etc, Devoting yourself to social causes and Almighty and Exercise (25-30 minutes daily).
Helping your children achieve self-discipline is worth your effort. It is a major foundation for their lifelong personal and social development.
 

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